Foolish...

Really you only twist and turn me .
I'm so foolish to even believe you ...
I keep saying that I don't care , but it still gets me...
I feel a bit sad and my heart keeps beating ...
Oh, well ....
I'm really nothing to you...
I will get used to this idea one of this days...
I knew I shouldn't have thought about what you said last time ,cuz it was nothing.
You are cruel...
And I'm a fool

For you

Don't forget that the only person that stands in your way it's actually YOU.

Timpul...

Stiu ca ai dreptate dar nu vreau sa renunt la cine sunt acum doar pentru ca timpul a cam trecut si e momentul sa incep sa ma gandesc ce voi face de acum inainte cu viata mea .
E un lucru foarte trist si inspaimantator . Nu pot sa fac fata gandurilor ce ma cuprind atunci cand ma gandesc la viitor. Stiu ca e cam tarziu sa fiu tot eu , sa ma comport tot ca un copil . Dar mie frica...
Nu stiu ce sa fac...
Da ar trebui sa ma maturizez si sa schimb anumite lucruri daca mai vreau sa traiesc in lumea asta. Lupta cu timpul , e ceva cu care chiar nu pot lupta . Nu pot sa-i fac fata , nu ma pot adapta .
Pentru mine totul se sfarseste acum .

For me, " i'll just read one or two more chapters " always ends at four in the morning with a finished book.

Todos queremos lo que no se puede, somos fanaticos de lo prohibido.

That girl...

You see that girl? She looks so happy, right?
Dying inside. She's hurt. And tired. 
Tired of not being good enough , tired of life, weak and attention seeking. So she keeps it all inside . Acts like everything's perfect but cries at night. So everybody thinks that she's the happiest person they know.
That she has no problems and her life is perfect. If only they knew the truth...

They said the only way to get over a broken heart is to fall in love again . Best fucking relationship in my life.

Love is a losing game. 
One I wish i never played.

Tell me where am i supposed to go and who am i supposed to believe?

Ho il vizio di immaginare cose che forse non avveranno mai.

Intr-un fel imi este  frica sa nu ma schimb in genul acela de persoana precum cineva anume . Am observat ca am inceput sa o iau pe o cale gresit . Acea nu sunt eu. Da , nu stiu cine sunt dar sunt convinsa ca acel gen de persoana nu vreau sa ajung . Nu vreau sa ma injosesc chiar in halul acela . Da vreau sa renunt la lupte si la tot dar nu vreau sa-mi fac una ca asta . Nu  asta vreau sa devin . Da mo durut , da mo schimbat dar stiu ca sunt puternica si pot sa trec peste multe atata timp cat sunt dispusa sa lupt  impotriva lucrurilor ce ma inspaimanta .
Si din moment ce am luat aceasta decizie trebuie so duc la bun sfarsit , deoarece copilaria s-a sfarsit iar acuma incepe viata . Vor aparea alte probleme mult mai grave cu care va trebui sa ma descurc .Trebuie sa fiu pregatita sa merg inainte.

Depresia...

 Ceva mi se intampla , ce? Inca nu stiu ce anume . Oare sa fie depresia?
Oare sa fie boala aceea pe care o descoperisem acum o saptamana , deoare chiar imi pierd interesul in tot ce ma inconjoara si ce odata ma pasiona .
Chiar si pentru acel lucru la care nu as renunta pentru nimic  , nu mai lupt ca inainte . Era singurul meu lucru de care ma mai tineam , dar acum ?
Oare sa chiar am acea boala?
Ce face depresia din om. Asta chiar poate explica tot , mai exact de ce is atata de plictisita si de neinteresata de tot .
Dar din ce motiv is asa stresata , nu examene , nu nimic si cu toate astea de ce?

Hai sa nu interpretam...

            Nu as vrea sa incep dinou sa trag tot felul de concluzi gresite . Am ales sa te vad ca un prieten  ,asa cum si tu ma vezi pe mine . Am ales sa nu-mi mai pese . Dar de fiecare data cand spui ceva ce se poate

interpreta , inima imi bate ca nebuna si stomacul mi se strange . Cu totul ca stiu foarte bine ca cu tine nu e de interpretat ,uneori se pare ca mai uit acest lucru .
          Cu cateva ore inainte m-ai lasat nedumerita . Oare ce vreai sa spui , te refereai numai la a fi dezamagit ,datorita faptului ca ai asteptari prea mari ?
          Desi ai spus ca vorbeai in general ,ceva ma tot macina pe dinauntru . De ce ai inceput cu faptul ca tu sti ca nu te plac si nu te vad ca pe un prieten , ceea ce e o minciuna gogonata . Eu defapt te plac  mult , cel putin asta cred uneori ...
        Nu as vrea sa ma gandesc ca ar putea exista o posibilitate ca tu defapt sa chiar ma placi pe bune si sa simti acelasi lucru ca si mine . Nu vreau sa ma ranesc dinou  cu vise ce raman doar vise.
        In ultimu timpu imi dai impresia ca poate chiar ma placi ...
        Stiu ca ai zis la general , dar oare chiar nu ai lasat putin loc de interpretat?

        Ceva nu prea imi suna mie bine si am impresia ca te-ai referit la faptul ca te dezagesc dar cu toate astea nu renunti . Te-ai referit la mine, oare?
        Cu tine chiar nu e de interpretat si nici n-as sti ce e de facut daca intradevar ai ajunge sa ma placi pe bune...
       Te plac dar o relatie pentru mine in acest moment mi se pare cam greu...si terifiant...
       Oricum o voi lua ca si un nimic , m-ai avertizat de prea multe ori sa nu te plac deoarece esti naspa asa ca asta am degand sa fac .
       O sa incerc sa trec cu vederea peste si chiar sa nu-mi pese .

Pensieri....

Chiar imi pare rau , dar deocamdata nu ar fi indicat sa va vad .
 Intradevar ma comport nasol si am inceput sa evit pe toata lumea dar alftel nu pot sa fac fata situatiei . Ar putea iesi si mai rau . Dar sa nu uitam ca nu am nici un drept sa simt ceea ce simt sau ..poate am
Oricum ar fi ,starea mea se agreaza atunci cand va vad . Toata chestia asta nu-mi place absolut deloc . Imi vine sa va las balta pe toti si asa am fugit in loc sa infrunt lucrul de care imi e frica .
Da ,sunt slaba , nu vreau sa ma simt in halul acela . Si tie nu vreau sa-ti spun pentru ca poate te-ai simti si mai nasol daca intradevar ai sti ce simt...
O sa-mi treaca , lucru la asta. Da , a trebuit sa stau departe de voi si nu, nu-mi place acest lucru dar well sper ca in final se vor rezolva toate.
Oricum atata timp cat eu nu fac ceva in privinta asta nu o sa-mi treaca . Problema e ca nu stiu ce sa fac.
Simt cum lumea mi se prabuseste in cap si cu toate astea incerc sa lupt impotriva .
Mai bine neg totul decat sa il acept deoarece doare mai rau acum ca acel lac ce odinioara a fost inghetat , acum nu mai e . E vina mea ca am lasat trecutul sa imi patrunda dinou in vita mea ,dar nu ma asteptam sa ma simt asa .
Nu stiu exact ce simt in legatura cu acele doua persoane , poate sa fie un singur sentiment dar eu prefer sa il indrept spre o alta persoana decat sa admit sau sa las cel putin sa ma cuprinda .
As vrea sa-i spun cat il urasc si sa o iau din drum, dar ceva ma opreste. Mie frica , dinou...
Stiu ca pot trece peste asta si am degand so fac , dar o sa reusesc doar atata timp cat stau departe...
Nu ma simt prea bine in preajma voastra ...  E si vina mea dar si a voastra...
Precum is obisnuita , mereu voi ramane forever alone , pentru ca oameni pleaca iar eu in loc sa-i opresc mai mult le dau o mana de ajutor . Nu doresc ca ei sa plece pentru ca defiecare data acest lucru ma durut dar am ales sa actionez pe ce-mi dicta orgoliul si nu mintea, ceea ce doream defapt sa fac.
Atunci cand o anumita persoana ma sfatuit in legatura cu ceva , probabil , mai degraba sigur era adevarat .
Doar acum realizez acest lucru . Atunci am spus ca nu-mi pasa , sa plece daca nu le convine...
Dar sa fim seriosi nu e deloc asa . Ma doare si urasc lucrul acesta . Da sunt fraiera ca m-am increzut in persoane gresite dar  undeva pe drum sigur am gresit si eu . Nu mai vreau sa am incredere in nimeni dar pur si simplu nu ma pot abtine , asa imi sta in fire .Simt nevoia sa fac ceva pentru cineva chiar si cu defectele lui/ei , deoarece nimeni nu e perfect si ma simt bine stiind ca am putut sa ajut acea persoana.
Mie frica sa ma incred dar uite ca o fac dinou. Cu tot raul pe care mi la produs si stiu ca e o persoana rea si joaca lumea pe degete , adora minciunile mai mult ca orice . Pur si simplu nu se poate desprinde de ele.
Dar ma intreb oare ,in acele momente in care pare a fi destul de serios si ar arata o parte din el . Oare chiar e adevarat sau e totul o minciuna ,oare chiar atata de bine joaca teatru?
Chiar nu mai stiu ce sa cred. Desi nu uitasem cat de naspa poate fi , se pare ca pe cineva la durut in cot de acele lucruri. Acel cineva e defat inima mea care se pare ca nu e moarta si inca bate desi uneori vag , alteori deloc iar uneori ia razna . E confuza total si ii cam place sa se arda.
Cam asta a facut in ultimu timp.

Sunt foarte derutata , chiar nu stiu ce sa mai fac , vreau sa dau fuga repede la ei dar  ma cuprinde o furie prea mare . Nu e bine ...
Nu stiu cum sa mai reactionez, nici partea din mine care once used to be good nu se mai simte...
Nu isi mai face cunoscuta prezenta , decat foarte rar ,mai mult e ca si un bec ce mai palpaie uneori .
Sunt mereu nervoasa , is stresata  si nu stiu motivul . Nu pot dormi ...oricat de obosita as fi , pur si simplu nu pot.
Imi repet mereu in gand ca nu-mi pasa , vreau sa nu-mi pese , vreau sa-mi revin. Vreau sa devin o alta persoana .
Daca totul s-ar rezolva prin fuga ce misto ar fi , dar e timpul sa infrunt acele lucruri de care imi este frica . E timpul sa gandesc de doua sau mai multe ori inainte sa spun ceva ,e greu si mereu uit ca asa ar trebui sa fac dar gata cu joaca.
M-am saturat sa tot pierd atatea persoane ...

Gomenasai...

What I thought wasn't mine
In the light
Was a one of a kind,
A precious pearl

When I wanted to cry
I couldn't cause I
Wasn't allowed

Gomenasai for everything
Gomenasai, I know I let you down
Gomenasai till the end
I never needed a friend
Like I do now

What I thought wasn't all
So innocent
Was a delicate doll
Of porcelain

When I wanted to call you
And ask you for help
I stopped myself

What I thought was a dream
A mirage
Was as real as it seemed
A privilege

When I wanted to tell you
I made a mistake
I walked away

Gomenasai, for everything
Gomenasai, Gomenasai, Gomenasai
I never needed a friend,

Like I do now

Walls, you can build them all around 

Just to shield a piece of your world out of sight...

You can't change who people are without destroying who they were.

A strong person....

A strong person is the one who knows how to be quiet, shed a tear for a moment , and then picks up their gloves and fights again !

Riot girl

They say that I'm a bad girl
I don't really care
Cause in my own world
it's okay to be weird
I'm not a cute little baby
maybe I don't fit into your fake world
Not looking for attention
stop staring at me
hey what's your problem
do you hate what you see?

don't push me around
and around
bring me down
not gonna let you

you don't know me
I can tell
I'm raising hell!

Cause I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me
I'm getting physical
listen to me carefully
I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

yeah I'm a riot girl
you don't like my attitude

it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

I have to make a statement
i'm not breaking the rules

I didn't make them
now you are fools
don't you push me to hard
you are going to far
I'm gonna lose it!

yeah
you don't know me
I can tell
i'm raising hell!
cause i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me
i'm getting physical
listen to me carefully
I'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy
yeah i'm a riot girl
you don't like my attitude
it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

they say i'm a riot girl
i'm crashing
i'm burning up
cause i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna mess with me

i'm getting physical
listen to me carefully
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy
yeah i'm a riot girl
you don't like my attitude
it's getting critical
gotta get away from you
i'm a riot girl
you don't wanna drive me crazy

I wanna run away

I wanna run, run far away
I gotta get far away from you
I gotta keep my identity
And focus what I can do, oh!

 I got to be shameless
If you don't know what my name is, name is
So what, so what?
I don't know what this game is
Cause I'm not even playing it

It's all a stunt
Why does it get to me
'Til I react so angrily to this stuff?
And maybe I'm not worth your time
Not a stop upon your climb
It doesn't bother me,
It's just my insecurities acting up

Stranger..

When shove comes to push
And push comes to shove
You're not the kind of man
That I want to give my love
I covered up my bruises
And gave away my sins
So what makes you think that I would let you in

No wait a minute now stranger
I'm not sure I like your angle
No I gotta go, oh no, I gotta go

And my manner is a matter of taste
I warned you that you were only wasting your time
I asked nicely, please get out of my face
Excuse me, I'm not yours I am mine
I am mine, I am mine, I am mine

Coincidence ?

I was just thinking about it , but i never though it will happen...

I wonder if it's only coincidence or not...

Let the moon cry and the bricks to crumble down
I wont be found, I won’t be found, I won’t be found, I won’t be found out

Can’t explain what I’m feeling

The wind sighs button up now
Don’t look behind, keep your vows

Look away from my window
Look away from my door
I fear my dear it’s all too clear
And the paper heart’s been torn
l

CRAP

The day started good.
She even got the chance to talk to him.
He sure made her day .
She couldn't belive it...
She really need it ...
She wanted to see if he will tell her to back of ..
But he just asked her if she cheated...
She told him : "not yet"
And they talk for a bit ..
It was enough for her to be happy..
Then she went out to meet her friends, not so happy about it ...
But thanks to the guy she could keep her smile till later on...
Her smile just faded when they went in town to play..
She started to feel so worthless...
She couldn't do anything..she was stuck on her chair...
Couldn't look at people faces and didn't even wanted to look the way her friends were...
She got so angry ..almost for her tears to flow...
She tried to keep her smile for some time...
And when she went to the bathroom she just felt how her world was crushing down....

Her heart breaking apart...
How could they , really?
Fuck them...
She always ends to be nobody...
Screw them...
She's always at the bottom  of the list...
She's sick of it...
When they decided to go home...she didn't want to go in the same car with them so she diceded to go on foot till the buss station ...
Didn't want to answer to any of there questions , didn't want to see more , she's just sick of it.
As she was walking...her tears wanted so bad to flow...
But she tried so hard to keep them inside..
In the buss she just couldn't anymore...
Now she feels like crap and doesn't know if she should or not go on the trip with them...
She is afraid to feel like that again...

Unworthy...

Her words felt useless
Small and unworthy

The combination of her emotions
made it difficult to translate

To him how she really felt
And why it was time to surrender...

In life we do things .

Some we wish we had never done.
Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads.
But they all make us who we are and in the end.
They shape every detail about us .
If we were to reverse any of them .
We wouldn't be the person we are so just live.
Make mistakes.
Have wonderful memories.
But never ever second guess who you are.
Where you have been.
And most importantly where it is you're going.

:(

How long am i gonna feel this worthless?
I really can't deal with this...
I can't...

I'm breaking apart..

I don't know what to do , really ...
Should i run away?
Should i go forwarD?
For the first time....i wanted to cry so bad , to get it out so bad...
But there was only one tear...
It hurts...
I'm scared..
It feels like i'm breaking apart...
I know i need to think positive ..but i don't know how to..
It doesn't work..
It hurts..
Why should i feel like this?
I just wanna run away...
I sick , I'm tired....
Don't wanna fight anymore...

So , I'm waiting...

I wait for the day you will tell me that you want to stop, and that day it's so close ...

I don't wanna let you go ,but i can't stop you...

I really wonder if you will tell me what i'm expecting...

After all I just your friend..

I won't ever be more ...

And I don't knw why I'm expecting more...

She's nothing...

She means so less
Now her heart is breaking...
She doesn't know what to do anymore...
She is so afraid..

She is lost ...
What is the right choice?
Why can't she be empty, like before...
What's happening...?
She's stuck..
So heart breaking..
So afraid ,
So angry,
So sad.
What will she do?
She doesn't want to face what she feels....
She is too afraid of what she may discover ...
What could it be...?
But she knows she means nothing..so it doesn't matter ...
Her presence is so worthless...
She wants so bad to remove herself from the equation...
She just wants to be worth something to someone...

Miss you paradise

All of my life I've been a lost satellite
It's all a waste of time with me before I get it right
And I miss you paradise
Although you're over
And I miss you paradise
I know you're over...

I lie awake and I count the hours passing by
Too many questions that won't be answered here tonight
And they rise in waves before you and the force opens your eyes
Another reason I won't be around to say goodnight

Renegate.

Renegade on the run?Real live wire in the cross fire ridin' shotgun
Not talkin' 'bout a deal with the devilI said nothin' about sellin' your soulCall it what you willIf you start to feel out of control
HERE WE GO
Can you hear the sound of the turnin' wheelsBurnin' the road like it's never been downI'm breakin' out of this town like a renegadeSo baby get ready to run
Don't have any time here left to killDon't want to go down like the settin' sunSo let's break out of this town like a renegadeCan't wait another minuteI'm right here ready to run

Don't you want to feel like a rebelRenegade on the run?Real live wire in the cross fire ridin' shotgun
One-hundred miles an hour with the top rolled downRacin' the wind breakin' out this townTryin' to get lost but don't want to be found yeah

I hate myself for...

I turn my back and you're messin' around 

I'm not really jealous don't like lookin' like a clown 

I think of you ev'ry night and day 
You took my heart then you took my pride away 

I hate myself for loving you 
Can't break free from the the things that you do 
I wanna walk but I run back to you that's why 
I hate myself for loving you 

Daylight spent the night without you 
But I've been dreamin' 'bout the lovin' you do 
I won't be as angry 'bout the hell you put me through 

Hey man betcha you can treat me right 
You just don't know what you was missin' last night 
I wanna see you beggin', say forget it just for spite 

It's that simple

When someone treats you like an option, help them narrow their choices by removing yourself from the equation.

Shakespeare said: "I always feel happy "

You know why?

Because i don't expect anything from anyone!

Expectations always hurt...

Picasso

Today.

TODAY is my tomorrow
It's up to me to shape it,
To take control and size every opportunity.
The power is in the choices  I make each day
I eat well, i live well.
I shape me.

It starts.

It starts with a dream.

Add faith,
and it becomes a belief.
Add action,
and it becomes a part of life.
Add perseverance,
and it becomes a goal in sight.
Add patience and time,
and it ends with a dream come true

Now.

What screws us up the most in life is the picture in our heads of how it's supposed to be.
So we should stop looking at those kind of pictures .
We should start  thinking  in the present and what could  we do now, not what we should had done or what we'll do .
Now is all that matters.

My choice.

I decided it was more important for me to be happy, and i wasn't going to let anybody's opinion get in the
way of that even if it's a mistake , it's my mistake.

This Summer.

This summer

Do something you would never think of doing.
Like going on that roller coaster or that water slide; the one that you've always been scared to go on .
This summer act crazy and not care what anyone thinks.
This summer don't worry if you're single or not, if you have a boyfriends then that's great and if you're single, that's what friends are for, right?
This summer  stop worrying about what people say about you cause drama is made for school.

This summer live each day like it's your last 'cause before you know it, it'll be over.
Make this summer the best and live it without regrets.

One of her passion.

One day she hopes to be as good as them.