she's just too damaged

She can't feel...

She's just stuck...

What's the use of feeling?

What does she want from this life?

What does she think love means?

Why can't she just give up?

Why can't she just stick on emptyness?

Why?

Sometimes she feels , sometimes she doesn't

She is sick of Alex

But she wants Dimitri...

She knows there ain't love

She lost.

She's  way too damaged.

Do you think I gave you my heart just so you can throw it away?

I told you from the start to take good care of it.
Yet you didn't .
Now what?
Want me back?
Stop it.
You don't even regret what you did.
You keep saying it was a mistake.
But let's face it , it's not a mistake once you repeat it too many times.
It was a choice, and you chose.
Now don't be so greedy, stop wishing for more.
We can't be more than friends.
Face it .
You will never change.
I don't want to go back to the way things were.
You broke my heart.
I loved you .
But i chose to walk away.
You SAY THAT I BECOME A WHAT?
You fool, it's your fault .
You thought that i will welcome you back , that i forgiven you?
How could you?
You played with my heart and then throw it away.
The heck do you want?
Just leave me alone if being friends isn't enough for you.
You always make me the bad person.
Yeah i made some mistakes.
Yeah i'm not the beast.
But face it , you made the worst mistake.
Now i'm not yours and won't be.

High.

How can you be my drug?
I felt drunk all night...
But how could I?
I haven't  drunk...
You kept popping in my head.
You were  my drug.
You made me feel like flying.
You made me feel so out of this world...
It's so weird , it feels just like a dream....

Fear.

She needs to face her fears ,not run from them .
Fear isn't real.
Danger is real.
And it's he choice if she wants to be afraid all her life, and live with regret or if she starts to fight against her fears.
It's not easy, her mind plays tricks on her...
But she needs to stand up to them.

Funny thing....

Every time she wants to change herself , she turns up changing her hairstyle . She doesn't change the bad things about her , just her hair..
It's funny but this is how it always ends...

Under the blue sky...

She was waithing all day for him .
And it finally came.
She decided to see him just as a friend.
Even the door didn't want to open.
But in the end it did.
She saw him standing a little further from where she was.
When she saw him.
She just couldn't help but smile.
But she changed her mind, trying to see him just as a friend.
They met , they fought ..
They went to the place where they usually hang out.
She kicked him, bited him and after a few fights
He stole her place .
She started to bite his face...
He took her in his arms and started to kiss her ...
They didn't stoop.
He let her head hit the floor but he continued to kiss her...
Then he said to go and stay on the grass..
At first she thought that he was kidding...
But he wasn't...
They went , and they end it on each other,
When she was kissing him , she was looking at the blue sky..
The stars kept popping ...
It was beautifful...
She couldn't see him more than a friend..
Till that one kiss, she forgot ..
Realising all the feelings she kept inside,
It took over her..
She started to want him more and more,
They both wanted each other...
It was so much fun ,
She couldn't stop from laughing
he's eyes, he's mouth ,he was all hers
And after some time they were fighting and ending on each other , or kissing
It was addicting ...
He was so much fun , and for a moment she thought he really feels something...
He may ...
But he doesn't want to...
or maybe he doesn't....
But at least that time was amazing...
She just didn't want to let him go....
He's every touch...
She knows that she needs to see him as a friend ,but somehow when she's with him ...
She doesn't care,
She lives the moment ,

That's a good thing ,until she's left alone and she starts to miss him...
ohhh, how much she wanted to tell him that she missed him,
But she's too scared, that if she reaveals her feelings..
He will just stop, leave her
She knows that his not hers and won't be ...
But even as it is , she wants him to stay by her side.
It doesn't matter with who he is ,as long as he  is with her
Now she needs to chill her heart, to stop thinking about him...
To see him as a friend once again
Because this is for the best .

No feelings. Just friends.

Fine . I think it's enough , i won't fight for you anymore because there will never be us.

I will see just as a friend and this is it.
I won't let you play with my heart. I won't let any of you.
I will shut it down. I don't need feelings.
This story ends here .
And other will begin.
I will see just fun in every guy.
That's the only thing they are good for.
I won't see them as anyone special anymore.
I'm sick of stupid ilussions ,
Of dreams that never become true.
Unless they are nightmares.
I think it's the time to write a new story.